Sourcing Scotland’s Premier Festive Fare: A Bespoke BMW M3 CS Touring Odyssey
For many in the automotive press, the holiday season often involves a luxurious retreat, a chance to sample the finest festive offerings without lifting a finger. Yet, for those of us north of the border, the tradition demands a more personal quest. This year, the task of curating every element of a magnificent three-course Christmas feast, complete with all the trimmings and libations, fell to me and my photographic collaborator, Max Edleston. Our mission: to procure these culinary treasures directly from their artisanal creators across Scotland. With a mere two days and the crucial decisions of “where” and “how” resting squarely on our shoulders, the choice of transport became paramount.
Forget the notion of precariously strapping a turkey to the side of a vintage roadster. Practicality, as any seasoned gastronome or automotive enthusiast will attest, is key. We needed ample cargo space, a necessity when envisioning the sheer volume of festive provisions. Furthermore, the spirited pace required to navigate Scotland’s ever-changing autumnal and early winter landscapes – often punctuated by meteorological pronouncements of wind and relentless rain – demanded a vehicle with both performance prowess and the agility to handle challenging, winding routes. The prospect of traversing damp, narrow B-roads, interspersed with sweeping moorland and demanding inclines, called for a machine that could inspire confidence and deliver an engaging driving experience.
Enter the BMW M3 CS Touring. This estate car, often described as a “ludicrous concoction,” was, to put it mildly, almost custom-built for our specific undertaking. Its capacious dimensions, boasting an impressive 1510 litres of storage with the rear seats folded, easily accommodated our growing haul of Scottish delicacies. Its acceleration is nothing short of breathtaking – a mere 3.5 seconds to reach 62 miles per hour, with a top speed capped at a considerable 186 mph. Crucially, its switchable all-wheel-drive system, M xDrive, promised the security and traction needed to conquer any meteorological or topographical challenge Scotland could throw at us. This is not just a car; it’s a mobile pantry and a high-performance pursuit vehicle rolled into one, perfectly attired for our festive food sourcing mission.
The M3 CS Touring is a masterclass in automotive engineering, a generously equipped, leather-lined, five-seat estate car that pushes the boundaries of what such a vehicle can be. Its design philosophy clearly leans towards track-honed performance, evident in its formidable specification. Boasting 543 horsepower – a notable 20 horsepower increase over its predecessor, the Competition model – it incorporates lightweight carbonfibre panels, a 3D-printed cylinder head, and a lightweight crankshaft. The suspension and fluid circuits are meticulously engineered with added rose joints and designed to withstand the extreme g-forces experienced on a racing circuit. This track-inspired DNA, however, proved surprisingly adept at taming the initial stretch of our journey up the M90 from Edinburgh towards Loch Leven. With the special titanium silencer engaged, the engine note settled into a hushed murmur, accompanied by only a muted tremor from the suspension and a reassuringly steady steering feel. The only notable acoustic intrusion came from the Michelin Pilot Sport 4 S tyres, which, while offering exceptional grip, could generate a significant roar on certain surfaces – a minor quibble in an otherwise supremely comfortable and capable cruiser.
Our initial foray soon saw us deviating from the motorway, venturing into the secluded enclaves of Glen Devon and Dunning Glen. Here, the B934 revealed itself as a beautifully maintained, albeit damp and narrow, ribbon of tarmac that snaked and twisted through wooded hillsides painted in a rich palette of greens and browns. The M3 CS Touring demonstrated an almost uncanny ability to flow along these undulating roads. In the gearbox’s most relaxed automatic setting, the eight-speed ZF torque converter delivered beautifully timed and elastic shifts, allowing the car to glide effortlessly. Despite its considerable width – over two metres between its wing mirrors – the ultra-precise steering enabled us to place the car with remarkable accuracy, down to the last tread bar. This was particularly evident when negotiating the tight bends, where we managed to avoid startling the local red squirrel population, though they seemed remarkably unfazed by our rapid transit.
Cresting a particularly scenic rise, the substantial premises of Simon Howie Butchers emerged on the outskirts of Dunning, adjacent to Mr. Howie’s own idyllic farmhouse. This establishment represents a true Scottish success story. What began as a modest village butcher’s shop has burgeoned into a multi-branch operation, supplying numerous major supermarkets and, remarkably, holding the title of the UK’s largest producer of haggis. The sheer scale of their operation is staggering; they produce an astonishing 1.3 million haggis annually, with a significant portion of that figure being churned out between Christmas and Burns Night alone.
While Mr. Howie himself was attending to other matters, Operations Manager Robbie Crook graciously offered us a comprehensive tour. Our first destination was the “pudding room,” an olfactory prelude where the rich, earthy aroma of black pudding instantly piqued our appetites. However, our primary objective was the iconic haggis. Crook explained the intricate blend of minced pork, beef, and lamb offal, combined with oatmeal, barley, and a carefully guarded selection of seasonings, to create Scotland’s beloved national dish. The operation also caters to diverse dietary needs, offering gluten-free and vegetarian versions. Crook noted that the vegetarian haggis often serves as a “gateway haggis,” introducing newcomers to this hearty delicacy. We witnessed the creation of haggis balls – bite-sized spheres dipped in batter and breadcrumbs, a popular starter that would form a foundational element of our Christmas menu.
Next, we moved to the sweet and smoke-scented bacon room. Here, Crook elaborated on the meticulous process of crafting pigs in blankets. Pork belly cuts are expertly hand-rubbed with a dry cure, aged for up to ten days, then smoked for four to six hours over wood chips. These flavour-infused strips are then machine-sliced and artfully wrapped around plump pork chipolatas, promising a mouthwatering accompaniment to our festive bird.
With two key components of our Christmas feast secured, we re-entered the M3 CS Touring. The wind had intensified, and a relentless downpour began to lash against the windscreen. Our route continued along hedgerow-hugging B-roads, crossing the swollen River Earn, where salmon were bravely battling upstream to spawn. Sections of the road became canopied by trees shedding branches under the onslaught of the gale, and water collected ominously at the verges – a stark reminder that this was decidedly not Morgan Super 3 weather.
The BMW’s M xDrive system, a rear-biased but fully variable multi-plate clutch setup, performed admirably. It faithfully delivered all the requested power, allowing us to carve confident arcs through the challenging conditions without a hint of instability. The only minor exception was encountered on sections of standing water, where the CS exhibited a degree of skittishness. Even with the least track-focused of the available tyre options, it was clear that these tyres were being pushed beyond their intended operational parameters in these extreme conditions.
We bypassed Crieff, opting instead to ascend into the wilder reaches of the Sma’ Glen, a landscape adorned with crimson ferns and heather. Further ascents led us onto exposed uplands towards Amulree. In its most supple setting, the M3’s adaptive suspension ensured a remarkably comfortable ride, save for a few noticeable jolts over some uneven sections during the descent into Dunkeld.
Despite the sodden conditions, Dunkeld presented itself as an absolute gem. The elegant seven-arch bridge, a testament to Thomas Telford’s engineering prowess, gracefully spanned the handsome River Tay, guiding us into the heart of this tiny, ancient town. On a narrow lane leading to the 700-year-old cathedral, we expertly shoehorned the BMW into a parking space outside The Clootie Dumpling cafe. Our objective: to secure the sweet course for our Christmas banquet.
Mike and Jacinta Cairney’s cafe is renowned for its namesake, the eponymous Scottish spiced cake, prepared to the cherished recipe of Mike’s mother, affectionately known as Granny Margaret. “Mum would make clootie dumpling for our birthday tea, with a 10 pence piece inside,” Mike reminisced. “If there was any left, she’d fry it up the next morning with bacon and eggs, haggis, black pudding, and Lorne sausage.” This deeply ingrained nostalgia resonates with many of the cafe’s patrons, who visit seeking that comforting link to their childhood. Clootie dumplings are also a staple at weddings, Christmas, and Hogmanay celebrations.
Jacinta meticulously detailed their traditional preparation method. A dry blend of flour, fat, breadcrumbs, raisins, sultanas, brown and white sugar, ginger, and spices is vigorously beaten by hand with treacle, eggs, and milk. A linen cloth – the ‘cloot’ – is then brought to a scalding boil, laid out, and lightly dusted with flour, forming the characteristically chewy exterior of the dumpling. The batter is poured into this prepared cloth, tied securely, and the entire concoction is boiled for a substantial four hours. We were presented with a generous, warm slice, served with a dollop of cream. It was a revelation – remarkably mellower and considerably lighter than a traditional Christmas pudding. We departed with a magnificent half clootie dumpling, a testament to its exceptional quality.
As storm conditions intensified, we navigated east towards Angus along saturated country lanes. Puddles of standing water were so prevalent that it felt as though we were piloting an ekranoplan rather than a performance estate car. The subsequent 36 miles passed slowly, with visibility reduced to a mere 200 metres. The twin mono-scroll, 2.1-bar turbochargers of the 3.0-litre straight-six engine were reduced to a gentle sigh, their full potential masked by the adverse conditions.
Our arrival at South Powrie Farm, just north of Dundee, was met with a warm welcome. Here, we were scheduled to discuss the merits of turkey with Thomas and Susannah Pate. Their farm is one of a select few across the United Kingdom entrusted with rearing the prestigious KellyBronze breed, renowned for its superior flavour profile. The Pates manage a flock of 600 turkeys. These birds, when they first arrive as day-old chicks, could all comfortably fit within the confines of the M3 CS Touring’s cabin. Our needs, however, were singular, as a mature turkey can reach a formidable weight of up to 15kg. Our initial plan to meet the flock was thwarted by their sensible decision to seek shelter from the torrential rain in their field housing. We rescheduled for the following morning, hoping for a more favourable atmospheric outlook.
The next morning, at precisely 8 AM, we were greeted by a cacophony of clucks, squawks, and yelps as the highly inquisitive turkeys launched into a waddling sprint to meet us in their two-acre enclosure of woodland and long grass. Their plumage was truly spectacular, a deep, bronzed brown with an almost iridescent sheen. The adolescent males sported distinctive snoods and wattles – fleshy appendages of puce-hued skin above and below their beaks – and proudly fanned their tail feathers. Yet, gender proved to be no arbiter of social standing; dominance was determined by a literal pecking order, with the more assertive birds nipping at the feathers of their inferiors. One particularly ambitious individual even took a tentative nibble at my wellington boots, then my leg, prompting me to vow a future encounter in late December. For our immediate needs, we secured a whole, frozen turkey, perfectly preserved for our festive feast.
In the days immediately preceding Christmas, the Pates offer fresh turkeys directly to the public from their farm and at various collection points along the east coast. It was at one of these collection points, which also happened to be a local greengrocer, that we headed next. Crossing the Tay Road Bridge into Fife, we finally found an opportunity to truly unleash the M3 CS Touring’s latent power.
In its most aggressive engine setting, the CS is largely restrained below 3000 rpm. However, beyond this threshold, the acceleration becomes so potent and relentless that it feels almost exponential. With the exhaust flaps fully open, the rising revs elicit an increasingly deep bass note and a mounting sense of inductive aggression – undeniably dramatic, though perhaps not quite spine-tingling. The sweeping A92 provided a perfect canvas for the M3 to consume the tarmac with remarkable pace and composure, its chassis seemingly melding with the road surface.
On more technically demanding minor roads, the M3 exhibited slightly less composure, both in terms of cornering inertia and ride suppleness. Nevertheless, the experience remained riotous, with the supportive, inflatable bolsters of the bucket seats holding us firmly in place through every twist and turn.
With the CS thoroughly warmed to its task, we pulled up outside Pittormie Fruit Farm. This is a compact, 35-acre site managed by Euan Cameron and his family. While the farm shop had closed after a busy summer of fruit sales, the honesty box for the egg shed remained a reliable source of winter vegetables, also supplied to local restaurants and greengrocers. Cameron champions a refreshingly laissez-faire approach to cultivation, employing minimal fertilisers and eschewing fungicides and irrigation altogether. He expresses a disdain for the uniformity and lack of seasonality characteristic of supermarket produce. “I don’t force things,” he explained. “I like it to get there naturally. I don’t care if something is fugly.”
His ATV soon transported us to the vibrant brassica beds, where he unearthed a magnificent, well-stocked ‘sprout tree’ of the Bosworth variety, adorned with firm, green nuggets of Christmas joy. Cameron then astonishingly pulled a lesser-known, purplish-green mass of leaves from the soil – kalette, a sprout-kale hybrid whose florets cook to a delightful crisp, offering a nutty alternative for those who find traditional sprouts less appealing.
We were also in the ideal location for procuring potatoes. Employing an old harvester that Cameron himself had ingeniously re-engineered, a modest two-acre plot yielded an impressive 22 varieties, many of them niche offerings. For roasting, his top recommendations were drier types such as Kerrs Pink and Golden Wonder. However, his personal favourite for boiling, oiling, and air-frying was the waxier Wilja. Along with a few carrots, we loaded a generous bag into the BMW’s rear hatch.
With tomatoes and apples for on-the-go snacking, we continued south across Fife’s characteristic rolling farmland, traversing gorse-lined B-roads. The steering, a consistently faithful companion, proved most effective in its heavier, more intuitive Sport mode. The lighter Comfort setting felt somewhat at odds with the car’s considerable size and weight.
Carrying a reasonable pace, we found the middle of the three gearbox settings in both automatic and manual modes to be the most suitable. In automatic mode, it maintained sufficient revs without unnecessarily lingering in the upper ranges. In manual mode, it offered ample responsiveness without the full-body convulsions sometimes experienced with upshifts in the most aggressive setting. The optional £8800 carbon-ceramic brakes were both easily modulated and exceptionally ruthless when called upon.
The main coastal road brought our journey to a temporary halt. We pulled up at a converted stone stable block, which now houses Futtle Brewery. The name itself is derived from an onomatopoeic Scots word describing pebbles being thrashed by the surf. A significant portion of the large, open space is occupied by stainless steel fermenters, producing high-quality, unfiltered organic lagers, wheat beers, spelt beers, and pale ales. In a corner, Ethan Russell Hogg was tending bar and curating the vinyl collection. “Our beers are fresh and different, and take a long time to brew – six to eight weeks, sometimes more – which results in a higher-quality beer,” he explained. Unusually, they opt for raw, whole-leaf hops rather than pellets or oil, and utilize a blend of malted and unmalted grains, alongside locally foraged plants and seaweed for unique flavour profiles. Intriguingly, the brewery also boasts a ‘coolship’ – an open-topped copper vessel dedicated to brewing Belgian lambic-style ‘wild beers’ that ferment by absorbing airborne yeasts before ageing in old cider casks. The first two batches were slated for bottling by Christmas. For our immediate needs, we selected a bottle of cloudy but light Table Beer, Futtle’s original ale, to accompany our festive feast.
Our culinary pilgrimage concluded with a final, solitary mile to the idyllic fishing harbour of St Monans. Nestled into the harbour wall, painted a serene pastel blue, stands a charming two-storey building housing East Pier Smokehouse. Lashed by the waves on one side, this acclaimed yet accessible seafood restaurant is a true hidden gem. Within its dining room and panoramic roof deck, they serve an exquisite array of local produce, including mackerel, langoustines, and lobster, all landed mere yards away. They also offer a delectable Cullen skink, crab, sea bass, and octopus, with takeaway options available, provided the kitchen’s capacity allows. Chef and co-owner James Robb modestly refers to the restaurant as “a small, simple affair.” However, its most unique feature is undoubtedly its traditional smoker, no larger than a cupboard, which opens directly onto the street.
In operation since the 1940s, the smoker’s walls are now deeply encrusted with tar, a testament to its enduring use. At its base, a pair of angled channels facilitate the burning of oak and beech sawdust for 36 to 48 hours – depending on the prevailing weather – to cold-smoke West Coast salmon. Compared to modern smoking machinery, this is an exceptionally fickle, old-school approach, occasionally necessitating midnight inspections. Yet, Robb has demonstrably mastered this intricate process, producing both traditional and a striking burgundy-hued, beetroot-cured salmon, available for both restaurant service and direct public sale. I was privileged to sample a plate featuring this remarkable salmon, served with bread, butter, lemon, and capers. The flavour was a sublime symphony of sweetness, smokiness, and a firm texture – quite simply, the finest salmon I have ever had the pleasure of tasting. It was the perfect culmination of our ten-ingredient Christmas dinner: a feast meticulously crafted in Scotland, and express delivered by Munich.
The journey has been as enriching as the destination. As you contemplate your own festive preparations, consider the provenance and passion behind your chosen ingredients. Perhaps it’s time to embark on your own local culinary adventure.
