Embarking on a Scottish Christmas Feast: A BMW M3 Touring’s Festive Foray
The holiday season in the United States often conjures images of bustling city centers adorned with twinkling lights, the scent of pine needles, and the anticipation of a grand Christmas dinner shared with loved ones. Yet, for those of us with a penchant for the artisanal and a drive for authenticity, the true spirit of festive indulgence often lies beyond the well-trodden paths. As a seasoned industry expert with a decade immersed in the automotive and culinary worlds, I understand the profound connection between exceptional experiences and the vehicles that facilitate them. This year, my colleague and I embarked on a unique quest: to curate every element of a quintessential Scottish Christmas dinner, sourcing ingredients directly from their makers, all against the dramatic backdrop of Scotland’s rugged beauty. And to accomplish this ambitious culinary pilgrimage, we enlisted the services of a truly remarkable machine: the BMW M3 CS Touring.
This wasn’t merely a road trip; it was a meticulously planned expedition to capture the essence of Scottish festive food. The challenge was clear: procure a three-course Christmas feast, complete with all the trimmings and accompanying libations, directly from producers north of the border within a tight two-day timeframe. While many might envision a leisurely drive in a classic convertible, practicality and performance were paramount. Luggage capacity for a prize-winning turkey, the agility to navigate winding country lanes, and the robustness to handle unpredictable Scottish weather were non-negotiable. Our choice of transport, therefore, needed to be as exceptional as the ingredients we sought.
The BMW M3 CS Touring presented itself as the ideal partner for this undertaking. Its generous cargo space, boasting an impressive 1510 liters with the rear seats folded, was more than capable of accommodating our future festive bounty. Its blistering acceleration – a mere 3.5 seconds from 0 to 62 mph – and a top speed of 186 mph promised efficiency in covering distances, while the sophisticated switchable all-wheel-drive system offered the assurance needed to tackle potentially treacherous road conditions, a common occurrence in Scotland during winter. This estate car, a seemingly incongruous blend of track-honed performance and family practicality, was, in essence, tailor-made for our mission.
Its opulent interior, lined with premium leather, and its five-seat configuration underscored its dual nature. This generously equipped vehicle is a testament to engineering prowess, built with a track-focused mentality evident in its formidable specification. Producing a staggering 543 horsepower (a notable increase over its predecessor), it incorporates cutting-edge materials like carbon fiber panels and a 3D-printed cylinder head. Furthermore, a lightweight crankshaft and reinforced suspension components designed to withstand extreme g-forces demonstrate its track pedigree. Yet, this formidable power plant and chassis are seamlessly integrated into a package that offers surprising civility.
Our initial foray north from Edinburgh, navigating the M90 towards Loch Leven, was remarkably serene. The special titanium exhaust system, controllable at the touch of a button, ensured a hushed ambiance, allowing for comfortable conversation. The suspension, while inherently firm, provided a composed ride, and the steering remained steady and precise, even on damp tarmac. The only intrusion was a nuanced roar from the Michelin Pilot Sport 4 S tires, an auditory reminder of the grip on offer, though this was largely dependent on the road surface.
Soon, we veered off the motorway, immersing ourselves in the secluded beauty of Glen Devon and Dunning Glen. The B934, a road that masterfully intertwined with the landscape, offered a delightful challenge. Its damp yet impeccably smooth surface twisted through hillsides painted in a vibrant palette of greens and browns, reminiscent of a Dr. Seuss illustration. In the gearbox’s gentlest automatic mode, the BMW M3 CS Touring exhibited an effortless fluidity. The eight-speed ZF torque converter delivered beautifully timed and elastic shifts, allowing the car to flow seamlessly through the corners. Despite its considerable width, the precise steering enabled us to place it with remarkable accuracy, a feat that even impressed a couple of startled red squirrels.
As we crested a hill, the substantial edifice of Simon Howie Butchers came into view on the outskirts of Dunning. This establishment represents a quintessential Scottish success story. Mr. Howie, the proprietor, transformed a modest village butcher shop into a thriving enterprise with branches in nearby towns, supplying major supermarkets and earning the distinction of being the UK’s largest producer of haggis, an astonishing 1.3 million units churned out between Christmas and Burns Night alone.
Although Mr. Howie was away, operations manager Robbie Crook graciously guided us through their facilities. Our first stop was the “pudding room,” where the rich aroma of black pudding immediately stimulated our appetites. Our primary objective, however, was haggis. This iconic Scottish dish, a savory blend of minced pork, beef, and lamb offal, oatmeal, barley, and a proprietary mix of seasonings, is a cornerstone of our festive menu. The facility also produces gluten-free and vegetarian versions, with Mr. Crook noting that the latter often serves as an approachable entry point for those new to haggis. The creation of haggis balls, dipped in batter and coated in breadcrumbs, transforms this hearty dish into delightful bite-sized appetizers, a perfect starter for our Christmas feast.
Next, we ventured into the bacon room, a space redolent with the sweet and smoky notes of cured pork. Mr. Crook detailed their meticulous process: streaky cuts of pork belly are hand-rubbed with a dry cure, aged for up to ten days, then smoked for four to six hours over wood chips. These flavorful strips are then machine-sliced and artfully wrapped around pork chipolatas, creating the succulent “pigs in blankets” that would form a mouthwatering accompaniment to our main course.
With two essential components secured, we returned to the BMW M3 CS Touring as the wind intensified and the rain began to lash down. The hedgerow-hugging B-roads led us across the swollen River Earn, its currents alive with salmon making their arduous journey upstream. The canopied sections of the road began to shed branches, and water pooled at the verges – a stark reminder that this was not the kind of weather for a Morgan Super 3. The BMW’s M xDrive system, a rear-biased but fully variable multi-plate clutch setup, performed admirably. It consistently delivered the required power with confidence, allowing us to trace arcs through corners without a hint of instability from the steering.
The only element that tested the car’s composure was standing water. Even with the least track-focused of the three available tire options, they were clearly operating at the edge of their capabilities in these conditions.
We bypassed Crieff, instead ascending into the rugged beauty of the Sma’ Glen, its slopes adorned with crimson ferns and heather. The road then climbed further into exposed uplands, leading us towards Amulree. In its most compliant setting, the M3’s adaptive suspension ensured a comfortable ride, with only brief moments of noticeable reactivity over a few undulations on the descent into Dunkeld.
Despite the sodden conditions, Dunkeld proved to be a picturesque gem. Thomas Telford’s iconic seven-arch bridge gracefully spanned the handsome River Tay, guiding us into the ancient town. On a narrow lane leading to the 700-year-old cathedral, we expertly maneuvered the BMW into a prime spot in front of “The Clootie Dumpling” café, our destination for the sweet course.
Mike and Jacinta Cairney’s establishment specializes in the eponymous Scottish spiced cake, prepared to a time-honored recipe passed down from Mike’s mother, affectionately known as Granny Margaret. “Mum would make clootie dumpling for our birthday tea, with a 10 pence piece inside,” Mike recalls. “If there was any left, she’d fry it up the next morning with bacon and eggs, haggis, black pudding, and Lorne sausage.” This culinary tradition resonated deeply with many of the café’s patrons, evoking a powerful sense of nostalgia. Clootie dumplings are a cherished part of celebrations, including weddings, Christmas, and Hogmanay.
Jacinta elaborated on their preparation method. A dry mixture of flour, fat, breadcrumbs, raisins, sultanas, brown and white sugar, ginger, and spices is combined and then beaten by hand with treacle, eggs, and milk. A cloth, or ‘cloot,’ is meticulously boiled and then laid out, sprinkled with flour to form the chewy outer skin. The dumpling mixture is then poured in, the cloot is tied securely, and the entire creation is boiled for an impressive four hours. We were presented with a generous, warm slice, accompanied by cream. It was a revelation – far mellower and lighter than traditional Christmas pudding – and we departed with a substantial half clootie dumpling, a testament to its delightful flavor and texture.
As we drove east towards Angus, braving full storm conditions on saturated country roads, it felt as though we were navigating from the cockpit of an ekranoplan. The ensuing 36 miles were a slow procession through a dense fog, the twin mono-scroll, 2.1-bar turbos of the 3.0-liter straight-six engine reduced to a mere whisper.
We were immensely grateful for the warm welcome awaiting us at South Powrie Farm, situated just north of Dundee. Here, we met Thomas and Susannah Pate, custodians of the revered KellyBronze breed of turkeys, prized for their exceptional flavor. The Pates raise approximately 600 turkeys, which, as day-old chicks, could all fit comfortably within the confines of the BMW M3 CS Touring. However, our needs were considerably more modest, as these birds can reach weights of up to 15kg. Our initial plan to meet the flock was thwarted by their sensible decision to seek shelter from the downpour in their field. We rescheduled for the following morning, hoping for clearer skies.
At 8 a.m., we were greeted by a cacophony of clucks, squawks, and yelps as the highly curious turkeys, in a boisterous, waddling sprint, descended upon us in their two-acre field of woods and long grass. Their plumage, truly bronze-like, shimmered with a deep brown, almost rainbow-hued sheen. The adolescent males sported snoods and wattles – fleshy, puce appendages above and below their beaks – and proudly displayed their tail feathers. However, gender played no role in their social hierarchy; a literal pecking order determined dominance, with the more assertive birds nipping at the feathers of their inferiors. One particularly ambitious individual even took a curious nibble at my wellington boots, then my leg. I resolved to meet it again in late December… For now, we departed with a whole frozen turkey, ready for our feast.
In the immediate lead-up to Christmas, the Pates sell fresh turkeys directly to the public from their farm and at various collection points along the east coast. One of these collection points also offered locally grown vegetables, prompting our next destination. We crossed the Tay Road Bridge into Fife, and finally, a stretch of open road presented an opportunity to truly unleash the BMW M3 CS Touring’s capabilities.
In its most aggressive engine setting, the CS remained somewhat restrained below 3000 rpm. However, beyond that threshold, the acceleration was so forceful and relentless that it felt almost exponential. With the exhaust flaps open, the rising revs unleashed an increasingly powerful bass note and a mounting inductive aggression – undeniably dramatic, though not quite spine-tingling. The sweeping A92 became a playground for the car, devoured with pace and unwavering balance as the BMW M3 CS Touring seemed to meld with the tarmac beneath it.
On the more technical minor roads that followed, the car exhibited slightly less composure, both in terms of cornering inertia and ride suppleness. Nevertheless, the experience remained exhilarating, with the supportive bolsters of the bucket seats holding us firmly in place.
With the CS thoroughly warmed up, we parked it outside Pittormie Fruit Farm, a compact 35-acre operation managed by Euan Cameron and his family. Although the farm shop was closed after a busy summer of fruit sales, the honesty box in the egg shed continued to receive a steady stream of winter vegetables. These produce were also supplied to local restaurants and greengrocers. Mr. Cameron espouses a refreshingly laissez-faire approach to cultivation, employing minimal fertilizers and foregoing fungicides and irrigation. He expressed disdain for the artificial conformity and lack of seasonality in much of today’s supermarket produce. “I don’t force things,” he stated. “I like it to get there naturally. I don’t care if something is fugly.”
His All-Terrain Vehicle (ATV) transported us to the vibrant brassica beds, where he unearthed for us a well-stocked “sprout tree” of the Bosworth variety, adorned with firm, green nuggets of Christmas joy. Mr. Cameron then pulled a plant with an unfamiliar, purple-green mass of leaves from the soil – kalette, a hybrid of Brussels sprouts and kale, whose florets cook to a delightful crisp, offering a nutty alternative for those who typically avoid sprouts.
We were also in the right place for potatoes. Utilizing an old harvester that Mr. Cameron had ingeniously re-engineered himself, a modest two-acre plot yielded an impressive 22 varieties, many of them niche. His top recommendations for roasting were drier varieties such as Kerrs Pink and Golden Wonder, but the waxier Wilja was his personal favorite (prepared boiled, oiled, and air-fried). Along with a few carrots, we loaded a generous bag of these autumnal treasures into the BMW’s rear hatch.
With tomatoes and apples for snacking en route, we continued south across Fife’s characteristic rolling farmland, traversing gorse-lined B-roads. The perpetually faithful steering was most effective in its heavier, intuitive Sport mode; the lightness of Comfort mode felt mismatched with the car’s considerable size and weight. We were maintaining a good pace, and the middle of the three gearbox settings, in both automatic and manual modes, proved to be the most suitable. In automatic, it allowed sufficient revs without unnecessarily lingering in the upper reaches, while in manual, it offered enough responsiveness without the jarring full-body convulsions associated with upshifts in the most aggressive mode. The optional, £8800 carbon-ceramic brakes were both easily modulated and utterly ruthless when required.
The main coast road eventually brought our rural meanderings to a halt. We pulled up at a converted stone stable block, the home of Futtle Brewery. The brewery’s name is derived from an onomatopoeic Scots word describing pebbles being thrashed by the surf. Much of the large, open space is occupied by stainless steel fermenters, where high-quality, unfiltered organic lagers, wheat beers, spelt beers, and pale ales are meticulously brewed.
In a corner, Ethan Russell Hogg was tending bar and curating the vinyl collection. “Our beers are fresh and different and take a long time to brew – six to eight weeks, sometimes more – which makes a higher-quality beer,” he explained. Unusually, they utilize raw, whole-leaf hops rather than pellets or oil, along with a blend of malted and unmalted grains and locally foraged plants and seaweed for added flavor complexity. Intriguingly, they also feature a ‘coolship’ – an open-topped copper vessel used for brewing Belgian lambic-style ‘wild beers’ that ferment by absorbing ambient yeasts before aging in old cider casks. The first two batches were scheduled for bottling by Christmas. For our purposes, we selected some cloudy but light Table Beer, Futtle’s original ale, to accompany our festive repast.
Our journey concluded with a final mile to the idyllic fishing harbor of St Monans. Here, nestled against the harbor wall, stands a charming pastel blue, two-story building: East Pier Smokehouse. Exposed to the elements on one side, it is an acclaimed yet remarkably accessible seafood restaurant. In the dining room and on the panoramic roof deck, they serve mackerel, langoustines, and lobster, all landed just yards away. The menu also features Cullen skink, crab, sea bass, octopus, and more, with takeaway options available if the kitchen can accommodate. Chef and co-owner James Robb modestly refers to the restaurant as “a small, simple affair,” but this description perfectly captures its most unique feature: a traditional smoker, no larger than a cupboard, that opens directly onto the street.
In continuous use since the 1940s, its walls are now deeply encrusted with tar. At the bottom, a pair of angled channels serve as the hearth where Mr. Robb burns oak and beech sawdust for 36 to 48 hours – depending on weather conditions – to cold-smoke West Coast salmon. Compared to modern smoking machines, this is an extremely temperamental, old-school approach that occasionally necessitates midnight check-ups. However, Mr. Robb has mastered the process, producing both traditional and richly burgundy-hued, beetroot-cured salmon for both restaurant service and direct public sale.
I was treated to a sample plate, served with bread, butter, lemon, and capers. The salmon was exquisitely sweet, smoky, and firm – quite simply, the finest I have ever tasted. It was a fitting and glorious culmination to our meticulously curated ten-course Christmas dinner: a feast born in Scotland, and delivered to our table with remarkable efficiency, thanks to the engineering prowess of Munich.
As you contemplate your own holiday preparations, whether you’re aiming for a traditional spread or a more adventurous culinary journey, consider the profound impact that the right vehicle can have. If you’re inspired by our quest for authentic festive flavors and the thrill of discovery, it’s time to explore how a vehicle built for both performance and practicality can elevate your own experiences. Contact your local BMW dealership today to learn more about the exceptional capabilities of the M3 CS Touring and discover how it can help you craft your own unforgettable holiday memories.
