From Highland Hills to Festive Feasts: A Culinary Pilgrimage in the BMW M3 CS Touring
For many, the Christmas season conjures images of cozy fireplaces, twinkling lights, and the comforting aroma of festive fare wafting from the kitchen. While some may find these culinary treasures readily available at their local market, for those venturing into the rugged beauty of Scotland, the pursuit of the perfect Christmas dinner ingredients becomes an adventure in itself. This year, my co-pilot, photographer Max Edleston, and I embarked on such a quest, a two-day expedition across the Scottish landscape, armed with a singular mission: to source every component of our own three-course Christmas feast, along with accompanying refreshments, directly from its artisanal makers. And for this ambitious undertaking, we required a vehicle as capable as the journey demanded.
The choice of wheels was as crucial as the menu. Traditionalists might envision a more rustic mode of transport, but the practicalities of collecting a whole turkey, a substantial clootie dumpling, and an array of fresh produce dictated otherwise. We needed ample space, a robust constitution to handle unpredictable Scottish weather, and a certain flair that matched the occasion. After considerable deliberation, one machine emerged as the obvious, albeit audacious, choice: the BMW M3 CS Touring. This is not merely a car; it’s a statement. It’s the culmination of engineering prowess, designed to conquer racetracks yet surprisingly adept at navigating the serpentine country lanes and occasionally challenging conditions of Scotland.
The Ultimate Festive Chariot: Unpacking the BMW M3 CS Touring
The BMW M3 CS Touring isn’t your average estate car. It’s a meticulously crafted performance machine, a five-seat behemoth that belies its practical wagon silhouette with a heart built for speed and precision. Its generous 1510 liters of cargo space with the rear seats folded down makes it ideal for hauling everything from a prize-winning turkey to a carefully boxed clootie dumpling. But its utility is only half the story. The “CS” designation signifies “Competition Sport,” a badge that promises exhilarating performance. With 543 horsepower on tap, a blistering 0-60 mph time of just 3.5 seconds, and a top speed nudging 186 mph, the M3 CS Touring possesses the raw power to devour miles. Crucially, its switchable all-wheel-drive system, known as M xDrive, provides the confidence and grip needed to tackle whatever the Scottish elements throw our way, from driving rain to gusting winds.
The interior is a testament to luxury and performance. Plush leather lining cocoons occupants, while the chassis is engineered to withstand the immense g-forces of track driving. Features like 3D-printed cylinder heads, a lightweight crankshaft, and suspension components reinforced with rose joints highlight the car’s racing pedigree. Yet, on our initial foray north from Edinburgh on the M90, the M3 CS Touring proved remarkably refined. A touch of a button hushes the titanium silencer, transforming the ferocious beast into a surprisingly serene cruiser. The ride, while firm, offered a muted level of jostle, and the steering remained precise and steady, a welcome attribute when navigating potentially treacherous rural roads. The only discernible intrusion was the road noise from the Michelin Pilot Sport 4 S tires, a surface-dependent hum that was easily overlooked amidst the anticipation of our culinary expedition.
From Haggis Havens to Pigs in Blankets: A Taste of Scotland’s Finest
Our first port of call was the hallowed grounds of Simon Howie Butchers, a local success story situated on the outskirts of Dunning. What began as a humble village butcher shop has blossomed into a national supplier, renowned for its impressive production of haggis – an astonishing 1.3 million units between Christmas and Burns Night alone. Operations manager Robbie Crook guided us through the aromatic labyrinth of their facility. In the pudding room, the pungent allure of black pudding set our appetites ablaze, but our primary focus was the iconic haggis. This hearty national dish, a savory blend of minced pork, beef, and lamb offal, oatmeal, barley, and a secret mix of seasonings, is a cornerstone of any true Scottish celebration. Simon Howie also offers gluten-free and vegetarian variations, the latter serving as a surprisingly popular “gateway haggis” for the uninitiated. Their haggis balls, deep-fried to a golden crisp, are a delightful appetizer, offering a potent foundation for our festive menu.
Next, we delved into the smoky embrace of the bacon room, where pork belly is meticulously dry-cured, aged for up to ten days, and then smoked over wood chips for four to six hours. This expertly prepared bacon is then machine-sliced and wrapped around succulent pork chipolatas, transforming them into the universally adored “pigs in blankets” – a vital component of our Christmas feast. With these two crucial elements secured, we rejoined the M3 CS Touring, the sky darkening and a determined rain beginning to lash against the windscreen. The narrow, hedgerow-lined B-roads tested the BMW’s agility, the M xDrive system working diligently to lay down power with unflacid confidence, even as we navigated swollen rivers and branches shed from wind-battered trees. This was decidedly not Morgan Super 3 weather. The adaptive suspension, set to its supplest mode, managed to absorb most of the road’s imperfections, though a few particularly “bobbly” sections on the descent into Dunkeld reminded us of the car’s potent capabilities.
A Sweet Interlude in Dunkeld: The Timeless Charm of Clootie Dumpling
Dunkeld, despite the sodden conditions, presented a picturesque scene. The seven-arch Thomas Telford bridge spanned the handsome River Tay, leading us into the heart of this ancient town. Tucked away on a narrow lane near the 700-year-old cathedral, we found “The Clootie Dumpling” cafe, our destination for the sweet course. Owners Mike and Jacinta Cairney have dedicated their establishment to the eponymous Scottish spiced cake, crafted from a cherished family recipe. Mike fondly recalls his mother, Granny Margaret, boiling clootie dumplings for birthdays, a 10-pence coin hidden within for good luck. Leftovers were often fried up for breakfast, a nostalgic treat that resonates with many of their customers.
Jacinta meticulously described the preparation process: a dry mix of flour, fat, breadcrumbs, dried fruits, sugars, ginger, and spices is hand-beaten with treacle, eggs, and milk. A linen cloth, or ‘cloot’, is scalded and lightly floured to form a pliable casing. The batter is poured in, the cloot tied securely, and the entire concoction is boiled for a marathon four hours. The resulting slice, served warm with cream, was a revelation – a mellower, lighter, and utterly delightful alternative to the more traditional Christmas pudding. We departed with a generously sized half clootie dumpling, a perfect sweet counterpoint to our savory selections.
The Majestic KellyBronze Turkey: A True Christmas Centerpiece
As we continued our journey east towards Angus, the saturated country roads blurred into a watery expanse, forcing the BMW’s formidable twin-scroll turbos to work with a mere whisper of effort. Visibility was reduced to a scant 200 meters, making the driving experience akin to navigating from the cockpit of an ekranoplan. Nevertheless, a warm welcome awaited us at South Powrie Farm, just north of Dundee, where we met Thomas and Susannah Pate, custodians of the prized KellyBronze turkey breed. These birds are revered for their exceptional flavor, a testament to a slower, more natural rearing process.
The Pates raise 600 turkeys, initially small enough to fit comfortably in the M3, but destined to grow to a formidable 15kg. While our planned flock encounter was postponed due to the inclement weather, the promise of seeing these majestic birds the following morning was a welcome prospect. At 8 am, we were greeted by a symphony of clucks and squawks as the highly inquisitive turkeys erupted from their shelter for a waddling sprint across their two-acre field. Their plumage, a deep brown with an almost iridescent sheen, truly lived up to the “bronze” moniker. The stags, adorned with snoods and wattles, proudly displayed their tail feathers, a vibrant spectacle. The hierarchy was evident, a literal pecking order dictating social status. One ambitious gobbler even took a curious nibble at my wellington boots, a playful reminder of their robust nature. We departed with a whole frozen turkey, a magnificent centerpiece for our upcoming Christmas feast.
From Fife’s Fields to the Coastal Breezes: A Driving Revelation
With our turkey secured, we turned our attention to procuring fresh vegetables. The Pates informed us of a collection point along the east coast that also offered seasonal produce. Crossing the Tay Road Bridge into Fife, we finally encountered an open stretch of road – the sweeping A92 – where we could truly unleash the BMW M3 CS Touring. In its most aggressive engine setting, the car remained dynamically controlled below 3000 rpm, but beyond that threshold, acceleration became an almost exponential force, relentless and invigorating. With the exhaust flaps open, the rising revs unleashed a deep, resonant roar, a dramatic, albeit not quite spine-tingling, soundtrack to our journey. The M3 devoured the sweeping curves with remarkable pace and composure, its chassis seemingly melding with the asphalt.
While less at ease on more technical minor roads, where cornering inertia and ride suppleness were tested, the experience remained exhilarating, the supportive bolsters of the bucket seats holding us firmly in place. Our next stop was Pittormie Fruit Farm, a compact 35-acre site managed by Euan Cameron and his family. Though their summer fruit sales were concluded, an honesty box at their egg shed was continuously replenished with a bounty of winter vegetables, also supplied to local restaurants and greengrocers. Cameron champions a laissez-faire approach to cultivation, eschewing fertilizers, fungicides, and irrigation in favor of natural growth. He voiced a subtle disdain for the uniformity and lack of seasonality in supermarket produce, preferring his crops to mature at their own pace, regardless of aesthetic imperfections.
From his multi-colored brassica beds, Cameron unearthed a magnificent “sprout tree,” adorned with firm, green nuggets of Christmas joy. He then presented us with kalette, a hybrid of Brussels sprouts and kale, whose florets, when cooked, transform into a delightfully nutty alternative for sprout-averse diners. For our potato needs, a modest two-acre plot, cultivated with an ingeniously re-engineered old harvester, yielded an impressive 22 varieties. Kerrs Pink and Golden Wonder, drier varieties ideal for roasting, were among our selections, alongside the waxier Wilja, Cameron’s personal favorite for boiling and air-frying. A generous bag of potatoes, along with a few carrots, was loaded into the BMW’s capacious rear hatch.
As we traversed Fife’s rolling farmland, gorse-lined B-roads testing the BMW’s steering, we found its Sport mode, with its increased weight and intuitive feel, to be the most rewarding. Comfort mode’s lightness felt incongruous with the car’s considerable mass. The gearbox, set to its middle setting in both automatic and manual modes, proved ideal, allowing sufficient revs without unnecessary strain, while maintaining responsive shifts without the jarring convulsions experienced in the most aggressive setting. The optional carbon-ceramic brakes, a substantial £8800 investment, offered both precise modulation and unyielding stopping power.
Futtle Brewery and East Pier Smokehouse: Liquid Gold and Smoked Perfection
The main coast road eventually led us to a converted stone stable block, the home of Futtle Brewery. Named after an onomatopoeic Scots word for pebbles being thrashed by the surf, their spacious interior houses gleaming stainless-steel fermenters producing an array of high-quality, unfiltered organic lagers, wheat beers, spelt beers, and pale ales. Ethan Russell Hogg, tending bar and curating the vinyl selection, explained their philosophy: “Our beers are fresh and different, and take a long time to brew – six to eight weeks, sometimes more – which makes a higher-quality beer.” They employ a unique brewing process, utilizing raw, whole-leaf hops, a mix of malted and unmalted grains, and locally foraged botanicals and seaweed for distinct flavors. Intriguingly, a ‘coolship’, an open-topped copper vessel, is used for brewing Belgian lambic-style ‘wild beers,’ fermented by airborne yeasts before aging in old cider casks. With the first two batches destined for bottling by Christmas, we secured a bottle of Futtle’s original ale, a cloudy but light Table Beer, to complement our festive spread.
Our culinary pilgrimage concluded in the idyllic fishing harbor of St Monans, at East Pier Smokehouse. Housed in a pastel blue, two-story building nestled into the harbor wall, this acclaimed yet accessible seafood restaurant offers a breathtaking panoramic view of the tempestuous waves. Their menu features an impressive array of locally landed delights, including mackerel, langoustines, and lobster, alongside classic Cullen skink, crab, sea bass, and octopus. While takeaway is available, the true magic lies within their unique, cupboard-sized traditional smoker, a fixture since the 1940s. Its tar-encrusted walls bear witness to decades of dedication. Chef and co-owner James Robb meticulously burns oak and beech sawdust for 36 to 48 hours in angled channels at the bottom of the smoker, cold-smoking West Coast salmon. This old-school approach, requiring occasional midnight check-ups, has been mastered by Robb, resulting in both traditional and a striking burgundy-hued, beetroot-cured salmon. Served with bread, butter, lemon, and capers, the salmon was a revelation: sweet, smoky, firm, and undeniably the finest I have ever tasted. It was the perfect capstone to our ten-component Christmas dinner, a testament to the rich culinary tapestry of Scotland, artfully delivered by a German powerhouse.
This journey, fueled by the exceptional capabilities of the BMW M3 CS Touring and the dedication of Scotland’s finest producers, has been more than just a road trip; it has been a profound exploration of flavor, heritage, and the sheer joy of creating a truly memorable Christmas feast.
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