Scotland’s Festive Flavors: A High-Performance Pursuit of the Perfect Christmas Feast Aboard the BMW M3 CS Touring
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For many, the holiday season conjures images of cozy interiors, crackling fires, and perhaps a leisurely drive to a pre-selected, sumptuously prepared Christmas lunch. However, in the rugged beauty of Scotland, the reality for some of us is a more demanding, yet infinitely rewarding, expedition. This year, the mandate was clear: photographer Max Edleston and I were tasked with assembling a complete, three-course Christmas banquet, complete with all the trimmings and accompanying libations, directly from the source, navigating the dramatic Scottish landscape. With a tight two-day window and the freedom to choose our chariot, the pressure was on.
The initial discussions quickly highlighted a critical logistical challenge: transporting a traditional Christmas centerpiece, like a turkey, and an array of delicate ingredients. While the allure of a more classically styled, perhaps even bespoke, vehicle might appeal to some, practicality dictated otherwise. We needed not only ample cargo space but also the agility and performance to tackle whatever the notoriously capricious Scottish weather and terrain decided to throw our way. The Met Office’s pronouncements of gale-force winds and torrential rain were not to be taken lightly, mirroring the tempestuous, autumnal hues still clinging to the hillsides.
Enter the BMW M3 CS Touring. This exceptional machine presented itself as a remarkably fitting, almost prescient, solution to our ambitious undertaking. Its capacious interior, boasting an impressive 1510 liters of storage with the rear seats folded, was more than capable of accommodating our growing bounty of festive provisions. Furthermore, its blistering acceleration, capable of reaching 62 mph in a mere 3.5 seconds and a top speed of 186 mph, promised to make our longer stretches of travel between producers remarkably efficient. Crucially, its sophisticated switchable four-wheel-drive system offered the confidence and security needed to navigate potentially treacherous road conditions with composure. It truly felt as though this vehicle was purpose-built for our unique Christmas quest.
The BMW M3 CS Touring is, frankly, a marvel of automotive engineering and design. This generously appointed, leather-lined, five-seat estate car represents a fusion of track-bred performance and everyday usability that borders on the audacious. Its performance credentials are, to put it mildly, formidable. A serious specification sheet reveals an output of 543 brake horsepower, a notable increase over its predecessor, the Competition model. The extensive use of carbon fiber panels, a meticulously 3D-printed cylinder head, and a lightweight crankshaft all underscore its track-focused pedigree. The addition of extra rose joints in the suspension and specially designed fluid circuits engineered to withstand the extreme g-forces of a racetrack further solidify its performance-oriented nature.
Our initial foray, an undemanding journey north on the M90 from Edinburgh towards Loch Leven, provided an early glimpse into the Touring’s remarkable duality. At the touch of a button, the special titanium silencer softened to a hushed murmur, allowing for a surprisingly serene cabin experience. The suspension, while firm, delivered only a muted level of jostle, and the steering remained commendably steady. The only persistent intrusion was a subtle, yet noticeable, road noise emanating from the Michelin Pilot Sport 4 S tires – 19-inch at the front and 20-inch at the rear – a factor that proved to be heavily dependent on the road surface.
Before long, our route veered off the main thoroughfare, plunging into the secluded beauty of Glen Devon and Dunning Glen. Here, the damp and narrow, yet remarkably smooth, B934 snaked its way through wooded hillsides painted in a rich palette of greens and browns, resembling a landscape from a Dr. Seuss illustration. In the gearbox’s most relaxed ‘Auto’ mode, the M3 Touring glided effortlessly, its eight-speed ZF torque converter delivering perfectly timed, elastic gear changes. Despite its considerable width, measuring two meters from mirror to mirror, the ultra-precise steering allowed for remarkably accurate placement, a fact no doubt appreciated by the occasional red squirrel darting across our path.
As we crested a hill, the substantial premises of Simon Howie Butchers appeared on the outskirts of Dunning, nestled adjacent to Mr. Howie’s own idyllic farmhouse. This is a true Scottish success story; Mr. Howie’s journey began with a modest village butcher shop and has since expanded to encompass two branches in neighboring towns, supplying major supermarkets and holding the esteemed position of the UK’s largest producer of haggis, churning out an astonishing 1.3 million units between Christmas and Burns Night alone.
Though Mr. Howie himself was away, operations manager Robbie Crook graciously welcomed us. Our first stop was the “pudding room,” where the pungent, evocative aroma of black pudding immediately set our appetites alight. However, our primary objective was the haggis. Mr. Howie’s celebrated national dish is a robust amalgamation of minced pork, beef, and lamb offal, oatmeal, barley, and a carefully guarded blend of seasonings. Notably, they also produce gluten-free and vegetarian variations. Mr. Crook remarked that the vegetarian haggis often serves as a “gateway haggis” for newcomers to this Scottish delicacy. We also observed the production of haggis balls – bite-sized bonbons coated in batter and breadcrumbs, a popular and sophisticated starter for any festive gathering, thus forming a formidable cornerstone for our Christmas menu.
Our journey then took us to the “bacon room,” a space rich with the tantalizing scents of curing and smoking. Here, Mr. Crook explained the meticulous process behind their signature pigs in blankets. Thick cuts of pork belly are hand-rubbed with a dry cure, aged for up to ten days, and then smoked for four to six hours over wood chips. The resulting slices are then machine-cut and expertly wrapped around plump pork chipolatas, creating our first mouthwatering side dish.
With these two vital components secured, we re-boarded the M3 as the wind intensified and the rain began to lash down. Navigating a hedgerow-hugging B-road, we crossed a swollen River Earn, its waters teeming with salmon making their determined upstream journey to spawn. The canopy of trees overhead began to shed branches, and water accumulated at the roadside – a stark reminder that this was decidedly not the kind of weather for a nimble, open-top Morgan Super 3.
The BMW’s M xDrive system, a rear-biased but fully variable multi-plate clutch setup, proved remarkably adept at managing these challenging conditions. It faithfully delivered all the power requested, allowing us to trace confident arcs through the bends without a hint of steering hesitation. The only moment of slight apprehension arose when encountering significant standing water, where the CS exhibited a degree of skittishness. Even on the least track-focused of the available tire options, the tires were clearly being pushed beyond their optimal operating parameters.
We bypassed Crieff, instead ascending into the rugged beauty of the Sma’ Glen, its slopes adorned with vibrant crimson ferns and heather. Continuing upwards, we entered a fast-paced section of exposed uplands leading towards Amulree. In its most supple setting, the M3’s adaptive suspension maintained an impressive level of comfort, though a noticeable reactiveness was felt over a couple of particularly uneven sections on the descent into Dunkeld.
Despite the pervasive dampness, Dunkeld itself proved to be an absolute gem. Thomas Telford’s iconic seven-arch bridge gracefully spans the handsome River Tay, guiding us into the charming, ancient town. On a narrow lane leading to the 700-year-old cathedral, we expertly maneuvered the BMW in front of “The Clootie Dumpling” café, our destination for the sweet finale of our feast.
Mike and Jacinta Cairney’s establishment specializes in the eponymous Scottish spiced cake, prepared using a treasured recipe passed down from Mike’s mother, affectionately known as Granny Margaret. “Mum would make clootie dumpling for our birthday tea, with a 10 pence piece inside,” Mike reminisced. “If there was any left, she’d fry it up the next morning with bacon and eggs, haggis, black pudding, and Lorne sausage.” This culinary nostalgia is a significant draw for many of the café’s patrons, reflecting a quintessentially Scottish childhood experience. Clootie dumplings are also a traditional feature at weddings, Christmas, and Hogmanay celebrations.
Jacinta detailed the intricate preparation process. A dry mixture of flour, fat, breadcrumbs, raisins, sultanas, brown and white sugar, ginger, and spices is meticulously beaten by hand with treacle, eggs, and milk. A piece of cloth, or ‘cloot,’ is then boiled in water to a scalding point, laid out, and sprinkled with flour, forming the characteristic chewy casing. The dumpling mixture is poured into the cloth, which is then tied securely. The entire concoction is then boiled for a substantial four hours. We were presented with a generous, warm slice, accompanied by a dollop of cream. The experience was nothing short of revelatory – a mellower, significantly lighter alternative to traditional Christmas pudding. We departed with a substantial half clootie dumpling, a delightful acquisition.
As full storm conditions descended, we navigated east towards Angus via saturated country lanes. The sheer volume of standing water made it feel as though we were peering from the cockpit of a hovercraft. The subsequent 36 miles were necessarily a slow crawl, with visibility reduced to approximately 200 meters. The twin mono-scroll, 2.1-bar turbos of the 3.0-liter straight-six engine were reduced to a mere whisper, their usual potency subdued by the challenging environment.
A warm welcome awaited us at South Powrie Farm, just north of Dundee, where we had arranged to discuss the star of our Christmas dinner with Thomas and Susannah Pate. Their farm is one of a select few across the United Kingdom entrusted with rearing the KellyBronze breed, renowned for its superior flavor profile. The Pates manage a flock of 600 turkeys. While these birds arrive as day-old chicks that could comfortably fit in the back of the M3, we would only require a single specimen, a considerable feat considering they grow to an impressive weight of up to 15kg. Our planned meeting with the flock was postponed, as the birds were wisely seeking shelter from the downpour in their field enclosure. We arranged to return the following morning, hoping for a more conducive atmospheric situation.
At 8 am the next day, we were greeted by a wonderfully chaotic cacophony of clucks, squawks, and yelps as the remarkably inquisitive turkeys performed a comical waddling sprint to greet us in their two-acre field of woods and long grass. Their plumage was indeed a striking bronze, exhibiting a deep brown hue with an almost iridescent sheen. The adolescent males sported prominent snoods and wattles – fleshy, purplish appendages above and below their beaks – and proudly fanned their tail feathers. Interestingly, gender played no role in their social hierarchy; status was determined by a literal pecking order, with dominant individuals nipping at the feathers of their inferiors. One particularly ambitious character even took a curious peck at my wellington boots, and then my leg. I made a mental note to reacquaint myself with this assertive individual come late December. For now, we secured a whole frozen turkey for our journey.
In the immediate period preceding Christmas, the Pates sell fresh turkeys directly to the public from their farm and various collection points along the east coast. One of these points also cultivates and sells vegetables, so that became our next destination. We crossed the Tay Road Bridge into Fife, and at last, we encountered an opportunity to truly unleash the M3’s performance capabilities.
In its most aggressive engine setting, the CS typically operates below 3000 rpm. However, beyond this threshold, the acceleration becomes so forceful and relentless that it feels almost exponential. With the exhaust flaps open, the escalating revs unleash an increasingly potent bass note and a mounting inductive aggression – certainly dramatic, though not entirely spine-tingling. The sweeping expanse of the A92 proved to be the M3’s natural element, a ribbon of tarmac it devoured with remarkable pace and composure, the car seemingly melding with the road surface.
It was less at ease on the more technically demanding minor roads that followed, exhibiting some cornering inertia and a lack of outright suppleness. However, the experience remained exhilarating, with the inflatable bolsters of the deeply sculpted bucket seats providing reassuring lateral support.
With the CS thoroughly warmed up, we parked it outside Pittormie Fruit Farm, a modest 35-acre site managed by Euan Cameron and his family. The farm shop had closed after a busy summer of fruit sales, but the honesty box at the egg shed continued to receive a steady stream of winter vegetables, which are also supplied to local restaurants and greengrocers. Mr. Cameron espouses an appealingly laissez-faire approach to cultivation, utilizing minimal fertilizers and eschewing both fungicides and irrigation. He expressed a disdain for the conformity and lack of seasonality prevalent in contemporary supermarket produce. “I don’t force things,” he explained. “I like it to get there naturally. I don’t care if something is fugly.”
His ATV transported us to the vibrantly colored brassica beds, where he unearthed a magnificent specimen of a Bosworth-variety sprout tree, densely populated with firm, green nuggets of Christmas cheer. Mr. Cameron then presented a less familiar, purple-green mass of leaves pulled from the soil – kalette, a hybrid of sprout and kale whose florets crisp up beautifully when cooked, offering a delightfully nutty alternative for those who find traditional sprouts less appealing.
We were also in the ideal location for potatoes. Employing an old harvester that Mr. Cameron had personally re-engineered, a modest two-acre plot yields an impressive 22 varieties, many of which are quite niche. His recommendations for roasting include drier types such as Kerrs Pink and Golden Wonder, while he favors the waxier Wilja for boiling, oiling, and air-frying. Along with a few carrots, we loaded a generous bag of these treasures into the BMW’s rear hatch.
With a supply of tomatoes and apples to enjoy en route, we continued south across Fife’s characteristic rolling farmland, navigating gorse-lined B-roads. The steering, consistently faithful, performed best in its heavier, more intuitive ‘Sport’ mode; the lightness of ‘Comfort’ mode felt incongruous with the car’s substantial size and weight. We were maintaining a spirited pace, and the middle of the three gearbox settings, in both ‘Auto’ and ‘Manual’ modes, proved most suitable. In ‘Auto,’ it allowed for sufficient revs without unnecessarily lingering in the upper ranges, while in ‘Manual,’ it offered responsiveness without the jarring, full-body convulsions that accompany upshifts in the most aggressive setting. The optional £8,800 carbon-ceramic brakes were both precisely controllable and astonishingly effective.
The main coastal road eventually brought us to a halt. We pulled up at a converted stone stable block, now home to Futtle Brewery. The brewery’s name is derived from an onomatopoeic Scots word describing pebbles being thrashed by the surf. A significant portion of the large, open space is occupied by stainless steel fermenters, where they craft high-quality, unfiltered organic lagers, wheat beers, spelt beers, and pale ales. In a corner, Ethan Russell Hogg curated the bar and kept the vinyl spinning. “Our beers are fresh and different, and they take a long time to brew – six to eight weeks, sometimes more – which results in a higher-quality beer,” he explained. Unconventionally, they utilize whole, raw hops rather than pellets or oil, alongside a blend of malted and unmalted grains, and locally foraged plants and seaweed for added flavor complexity. Intriguingly, they also possess a ‘coolship’ – an open-topped copper vessel used for brewing Belgian lambic-style ‘wild beers’ that ferment by absorbing ambient yeasts before aging in old cider casks. The first two batches were slated for bottling by Christmas. For our immediate needs, we selected a bottle of cloudy but light Table Beer, Futtle’s original ale, to complement our forthcoming feast.
Our journey culminated with a brief, solitary mile to the idyllic fishing harbor of St Monans. There, set against the harbor wall, stands a pastel blue, two-story building. Exposed to the relentless embrace of the waves on one side, East Pier Smokehouse is an acclaimed yet remarkably accessible seafood restaurant. In its dining room and panoramic roof deck, they serve an array of meticulously prepared dishes featuring mackerel, langoustines, and lobster, all landed just yards away. Further culinary delights include Cullen skink, crab, sea bass, octopus, and more, with takeaway options available, provided the kitchen’s capacity allows. Chef and co-owner James Robb modestly refers to the restaurant as “a small, simple affair,” but its most unique feature is undoubtedly its traditional smoker, no larger than a cupboard, which opens directly onto the street. In continuous use since the 1940s, its walls are now deeply encrusted with tar. At its base, a pair of angled channels are used by Mr. Robb to burn oak and beech sawdust for 36 to 48 hours – depending on atmospheric conditions – to cold-smoke West Coast salmon. Compared to modern smoking machinery, this is an exceptionally temperamental, old-school approach that occasionally necessitates midnight inspections. However, Mr. Robb has evidently mastered the process, producing both traditional and a distinctive burgundy-hued, beetroot-cured salmon for both restaurant service and direct public sale.
I was treated to a plate of this exquisite salmon, served with bread, butter, lemon, and capers. The flavor was a sublime revelation – sweet, smoky, with a perfectly firm texture, quite simply the finest I have ever had the pleasure of tasting. It was a fitting and triumphant conclusion to our ten-component Christmas dinner: a culinary symphony crafted in Scotland, and express delivered by the marvel of Munich engineering.
This extraordinary gastronomic expedition, powered by the exceptional capabilities of the BMW M3 CS Touring, has underscored the profound connection between exceptional machinery and the pursuit of artisanal quality. As the scent of woodsmoke and brine lingers, and the taste of perfectly smoked salmon and rich clootie dumpling remains, we invite you to consider how your own journeys, whether for culinary discovery or daily life, can be elevated by embracing the pinnacle of automotive and gastronomic excellence. Perhaps it’s time to explore the possibilities for your next unforgettable adventure.
