A Scottish Yuletide Expedition: Navigating Festive Flavors in the Ultimate Touring Machine
For those of us north of the border, the anticipation of Christmas isn’t just about the crackling fire and twinkling lights; it’s about the rich tapestry of flavors that define our festive feasts. While many might envision a leisurely drive to a well-appointed eatery for their holiday indulgence, our mission for this Yuletide was far more hands-on. Photographer Max Edleston and I embarked on a two-day quest across Scotland to procure every vital element for a three-course Christmas dinner, complete with all the trimmings and accompanying refreshments, directly from the artisans and producers who craft them.
The logistical puzzle of orchestrating such a culinary pilgrimage presented immediate questions, not least of which was the choice of conveyance. The romantic notion of a nimble roadster was quickly dismissed. The practical realities of transporting a prime turkey, a substantial clootie dumpling, and a bounty of fresh produce demanded something with ample cargo space. Furthermore, the allure of Scotland’s autumnal and early winter landscapes, though breathtaking, often comes with a temperament of its own. Whispers of gale-force winds and torrential downpours from the Met Office were not merely suggestions; they were a call to arms. This, coupled with the need for brisk progress between our appointed destinations, necessitated a vehicle that was not only capacious and swift but also possessed the composure and capability to tackle challenging road conditions with confidence.
Enter the BMW M3 CS Touring. This remarkable machine, a veritable Swiss Army knife of automotive excellence, seemed almost purpose-built for our festive scavenger hunt. Its generous 1510 litres of luggage capacity with the rear seats folded down offered more than enough room for our edible acquisitions. Its blistering acceleration, capable of 0-62 mph in a mere 3.5 seconds, and a top speed of 186 mph, promised to devour the miles efficiently. Crucially, its switchable all-wheel-drive system provided an invaluable layer of security and traction, essential for navigating the capricious Scottish weather. It was, in essence, a beautifully engineered solution, ready to be gift-wrapped for the task.
This particular iteration of the M3 CS Touring is, frankly, an astonishing testament to automotive engineering. A generously appointed, leather-lined, five-seat estate car that defies conventional categorization, it was conceived with track performance firmly in its DNA. Its specifications read like a wishlist for the discerning performance enthusiast: a potent 543 bhp output (a 20 bhp increase over its predecessor, the Competition model), extensive use of carbonfibre for weight reduction, a pioneering 3D-printed cylinder head, a lightweight crankshaft designed for optimal responsiveness, reinforced suspension with added rose joints, and fluid circuits engineered to withstand the immense g-forces encountered on a racetrack.
Our initial foray, a brisk traverse of the M90 from Edinburgh towards Loch Leven, provided an immediate appreciation for the M3’s dual personality. At the touch of a button, the special titanium silencer could be hushed, transforming the potent powerplant into a muted companion. The suspension, even in its more assertive modes, exhibited a commendable balance between outright control and a degree of compliance, allowing for a steady and assured steering feel. The only consistent intrusion was the characteristic, albeit surface-dependent, roar of the Michelin Pilot Sport 4 S tyres, clad in 19-inch units at the front and a substantial 20-inch diameter at the rear.
It wasn’t long before the urban sprawl gave way to the more secluded and evocative landscapes of Glen Devon and Dunning Glen. Here, the B934, a road that perfectly encapsulates the charm of rural Scottish motoring – damp, narrow, yet delightfully smooth – twisted and turned between hillsides painted in a spectrum of autumnal hues, from verdant greens to rich, earthy browns. The M3 Touring, despite its considerable dimensions, navigated these sinuous passages with surprising agility. In the gearbox’s most relaxed ‘Auto’ mode, the eight-speed ZF torque converter delivered beautifully timed and elastic shifts, allowing the car to flow effortlessly through the corners. The ultra-precise steering ensured that the car could be placed with pinpoint accuracy, mere inches from the road’s edge, a feat that even startled a couple of red squirrels who darted for cover.
Cresting a rise, our first significant stop loomed into view: the substantial premises of Simon Howie Butchers, situated on the outskirts of Dunning, adjacent to Mr. Howie’s own picture-perfect farmhouse. This establishment represents a quintessential Scottish success story. What began as a modest village butcher’s shop has burgeoned into a formidable operation, boasting two additional branches in nearby towns and supplying a significant portion of the UK’s major supermarkets. Indeed, Simon Howie is recognized as the UK’s largest producer of haggis, an astonishing feat, churning out an impressive 1.3 million units annually between Christmas and Burns Night alone.
Although Mr. Howie himself was away, operations manager Robbie Crook graciously offered us a comprehensive tour. Our initial destination was the “pudding room,” a space redolent with the unmistakable aroma of black pudding, a scent that immediately stirred our appetites. However, our primary objective was the iconic haggis. The recipe, a time-honored blend of minced pork, beef, and lamb offal, combined with oatmeal, barley, and a secret mix of seasonings, creates Scotland’s hearty national dish. The facility also produces gluten-free and vegetarian variations, the latter, according to Mr. Crook, often serving as an “entry-level haggis” for the uninitiated. Bite-sized “haggis balls,” dipped in batter and breadcrumbs, are a popular Christmas starter, and thus, a robust foundation for our festive menu.
Next, we ventured into the “bacon room,” an environment infused with the sweet and smoky essence of cured pork. Here, Mr. Crook elaborated on the meticulous process of creating their signature pigs in blankets. Streaky cuts of pork belly are first hand-rubbed with a dry cure, then aged for up to ten days. Following this, they undergo a four-to-six-hour smoking process over wood chips before being machine-sliced and expertly wrapped around succulent pork chipolatas, promising a mouthwatering accompaniment to our main course.
With two crucial components of our Christmas feast secured, we re-entered the M3. The weather had begun to escalate, with the wind intensifying and a steady drumming of rain commencing. The hedgerow-lined B-road led us across a swollen River Earn, its currents churning with salmon making their arduous upstream journey. The canopied stretches of road began to shed branches with alarming regularity, and water collected in rivulets along the verges – conditions that would have rendered a Morgan Super 3 rather… challenging.
The BMW’s rear-biased, yet fully variable, multi-plate clutch-based M xDrive system, however, proved remarkably adept. It faithfully transmitted all the available power to the tarmac, allowing the car to carve confident arcs through the challenging conditions, betraying no hint of instability or nervous twitching from the steering. The only moment of true unease occurred when encountering significant standing water, where the CS exhibited a degree of skittishness. Even on the least track-focused of the three available tyre options, it was clear they were being pushed beyond their optimal operating parameters.
We bypassed Crieff, opting instead to ascend into the wilder, more exposed terrains of the Sma’ Glen, adorned with crimson ferns and heather. The ascent continued into a fast-flowing section of upland moorland, en route to Amulree. In its most supple setting, the M3’s adaptive suspension maintained an impressive level of comfort, though a discernible reactiveness was noted over a couple of particularly bobbly sections on the descent into Dunkeld.
Despite the sodden conditions, Dunkeld itself emerged as a picturesque gem. Thomas Telford’s iconic seven-arch bridge gracefully spans the majestic River Tay, guiding us into the heart of this tiny, ancient town. On a narrow lane leading towards the venerable 700-year-old cathedral, we carefully shoehorned the BMW into a parking space outside “The Clootie Dumpling” café, our destination in pursuit of the sweet course.
The café, owned and operated by Mike and Jacinta Cairney, specializes in the eponymous Scottish spiced cake, meticulously prepared using the cherished recipe of Mike’s mother, affectionately known as Granny Margaret. “Mum would make clootie dumpling for our birthday tea, with a 10 pence piece inside,” Mike reminisced. “If there was any left, she’d fry it up the next morning with bacon and eggs, haggis, black pudding, and Lorne sausage.” This culinary memory, a common thread for many Scots, forms the nostalgic core of the café’s appeal. Clootie dumplings are a staple at weddings, Christmas celebrations, and Hogmanay festivities.
Jacinta kindly elucidated the intricate preparation process. A dry mix of flour, fat, breadcrumbs, raisins, sultanas, brown and white sugar, ginger, and spices is expertly beaten by hand with treacle, eggs, and milk. A traditional cloth, or ‘cloot,’ is then boiled in water to a scalding point, laid out, and dusted with flour to form the characteristic chewy skin. The dumpling mixture is poured into this preparation, the cloot tied securely, and the entire concoction is then boiled for a substantial four hours. Presented with a generous, warm slice, accompanied by a dollop of cream, it proved to be an absolute revelation – a mellower, far lighter, and equally delightful alternative to the traditional Christmas pudding. We departed, thoroughly satisfied, with a substantial half of a clootie dumpling destined for our feast.
Navigating through full storm conditions, we then pointed the M3 eastwards towards Angus, traversing saturated country roads. The sheer volume of standing water made it feel as though we were piloting an ekranoplan rather than an automobile. The subsequent 36 miles were necessarily a slow procession, punctuated by visibility reduced to mere 200 metres. The 3.0-litre straight-six engine’s twin, 2.1-bar mono-scroll turbos were reduced to little more than a subdued sigh.
We were immensely grateful for the warm welcome that greeted us at South Powrie Farm, located just north of Dundee. Here, we met with Thomas and Susannah Pate to discuss the centerpiece of our Christmas dinner: the turkey. Their farm is one of a select few across the United Kingdom entrusted with rearing the esteemed KellyBronze breed, renowned for its superior flavor profile. The Pates currently manage 600 turkeys, which arrive as day-old chicks – a flock small enough to fit comfortably in the back of the M3. However, our needs were for a single bird, which, considering their impressive growth rate, would reach a formidable 15 kg. We had hoped to encounter the flock in their natural element, but they were wisely seeking refuge from the downpour in their field shelter. Our plan was to return the following morning, anticipating a break in the clouds.
At 8 am the next day, we were met with a magnificent, chaotic reveille of clucks, squawks, and yelps. The highly inquisitive turkeys, exhibiting a comical waddling sprint, converged upon us in their two-acre enclosure of woodland and long grass. Their plumage was truly magnificent, a symphony of bronze-like hues, with deep brown and almost iridescent, rainbow-sheened feathers. The adolescent males, or ‘stags,’ sported prominent snoods and wattles – puce globs of skin adorning their beaks – and proudly displayed their fanned tail feathers. Interestingly, gender was not the sole determinant of social hierarchy; a literal pecking order dictated dominance, with bolder individuals nipping feathers from their inferiors. One particularly ambitious character even took a tentative nibble at my wellington boots, followed by a curious investigation of my leg. The thought of meeting this particular individual again in late December, on a plate, was momentarily unsettling. Nevertheless, we departed with a whole, frozen turkey, carefully stowed.
In the immediate lead-up to Christmas, the Pates typically sell fresh turkeys directly to the public from their farm and at various collection points along the east coast. One of these collection points also happened to be a purveyor of locally grown vegetables, providing the perfect opportunity for our next stop. Crossing the Tay Road Bridge into Fife, we were finally presented with a chance to truly unleash the M3’s performance capabilities.
In its most aggressive engine mode, the CS typically remains somewhat restrained below 3000 rpm. However, beyond this threshold, the acceleration becomes so forceful and relentless that it feels almost exponential. With the exhaust flaps fully open, the rising revs are accompanied by an ever-louder, bass-heavy growl and a mounting inductive aggression – dramatic, certainly, though perhaps not quite spine-tingling. The sweeping expanse of the A92 proved to be ideal territory, the M3 devouring the tarmac with pace and composure, its connection to the road surface feeling almost symbiotic.
On the more technically demanding minor roads that followed, the car was perhaps less at ease, exhibiting some cornering inertia and a reduced degree of suppleness. Yet, it remained an utterly riotous experience, the inflatable bolsters of the deeply supportive bucket seats holding us firmly in place.
With the CS thoroughly warmed and its systems operating at peak efficiency, we pulled up outside Pittormie Fruit Farm. This is a compact, 35-acre site lovingly managed by Euan Cameron and his family. While the farm shop had closed for the day after a busy summer of fruit sales, the honesty box at the egg shed continued to receive a steady stream of winter vegetables. These same produce are also supplied to local restaurants and greengrocers. Mr. Cameron espouses an appealingly laissez-faire approach to cultivation, employing minimal fertilizers and eschewing fungicides and irrigation systems. He expresses disdain for the conformity and lack of seasonality prevalent in contemporary supermarket produce. “I don’t force things,” he stated plainly. “I like it to get there naturally. I don’t care if something is fugly.”
His trusty ATV then conveyed us to the vibrant, multicoloured brassica beds, where he unearthed for us a well-stocked “sprout tree” of the Bosworth variety, adorned with firm, green nuggets of Christmas joy. Mr. Cameron then produced an unfamiliar mass of purple-green leaves from the soil – kalette, a sprout-kale hybrid whose florets, when cooked, possess a delightful crispness and a nutty flavor, offering a welcome alternative for those who find traditional sprouts less appealing.
We were also in the right place for tatties, or potatoes. Utilizing an old harvester that Mr. Cameron had ingeniously re-engineered himself, a modest two-acre plot yields an impressive 22 varieties, many of which are niche offerings. His top recommendations for roasting are drier types, including Kerrs Pink and Golden Wonder, but his personal favorite for boiling, oiling, and air-frying is the waxier Wilja. Along with a few carrots, we loaded a generous bag of these earthy treasures through the BMW’s rear hatch.
With a supply of tomatoes and apples for snacking en route, we continued our journey south across Fife’s quintessential rolling farmland, navigating gorse-lined B-roads. The perpetually faithful steering proved most effective in its heavier, more intuitive Sport mode; the lightness of Comfort mode felt somewhat mismatched with the car’s considerable size and weight. We were carrying a reasonable amount of speed, and the middle of the three gearbox settings, in both automatic and manual modes, proved to be the most suitable. In automatic, it maintained sufficient revs without unnecessarily dwelling in the upper reaches, while in manual, it offered enough responsiveness without the full-body convulsions sometimes experienced with upshifts in the most aggressive setting. The optional £8800 carbon-ceramic stoppers, meanwhile, were both effortlessly modulated and utterly ruthless when called upon.
The main coastal road eventually brought our route to a halt, and we pulled up at a converted stone stable block that now houses Futtle Brewery. The name itself, derived from an onomatopoeic Scots word for pebbles being thrashed in the surf, hints at the brewery’s elemental connection to its surroundings. A significant portion of the large, open space is occupied by gleaming stainless-steel fermenters, where they craft high-quality, unfiltered organic lagers, wheat beers, spelt beers, and pale ales.
In a corner of the establishment, Ethan Russell Hogg was tending bar and curating the vinyl collection. “Our beers are fresh and different, and they take a long time to brew – six to eight weeks, sometimes more – which results in a higher-quality beer,” he explained. Unusually, Futtle employs raw, whole-leaf hops rather than pellets or oil, along with a blend of malted and unmalted grains, and locally foraged plants and seaweed to enhance flavor. Intriguingly, they also possess a ‘coolship’ – an open-topped copper vessel used for brewing Belgian lambic-style ‘wild beers.’ These beers ferment by absorbing whatever yeasts happen to be present in the air before being aged in old cider casks. The initial two batches were slated for bottling by Christmas. For our immediate needs, we selected a bottle of Futtle’s original ale, a cloudy but delightfully light “Table Beer,” to accompany our forthcoming feast.
Our journey culminated with a solitary mile to the idyllic fishing harbour of St Monans, where a pastel blue, two-storey building is nestled into the harbour wall. Lashed by waves on one side, East Pier Smokehouse stands as an acclaimed, yet remarkably accessible, seafood restaurant. Within its dining room and panoramic roof deck, they serve an array of impeccably fresh seafood, including mackerel, langoustines, and lobster, all landed mere yards away. They also offer the comforting warmth of Cullen skink, alongside crab, sea bass, octopus, and more. Takeaway service is also available, provided the kitchen can accommodate the demand. Chef and co-owner James Robb is characteristically modest when referring to the restaurant as “a small, simple affair.” However, this description perfectly captures the essence of its most unique feature: a traditional smoker, no larger than a cupboard, that opens directly onto the street.
In use since the 1940s, its interior walls are now encrusted with the rich patina of tar. A pair of angled channels at the bottom is where Mr. Robb burns oak and beech sawdust for 36 to 48 hours – depending on the prevailing weather – to cold-smoke West Coast salmon. Compared to modern smoking machines, this is an extremely fickle, old-school approach, occasionally necessitating midnight check-ups. Yet, Mr. Robb has evidently mastered the process, producing both traditional and a distinctive burgundy-hued, beetroot-cured salmon, available for both restaurant service and direct sale to the public.
I was afforded the privilege of sampling a plate featuring this exquisite smoked salmon, accompanied by bread, butter, lemon, and capers. The experience was sublime: sweet, intensely smoky, with a firm yet yielding texture. It was, without question, the finest smoked salmon I have ever encountered. It served as the perfect, crowning glory to our meticulously assembled, ten-element Christmas dinner – a culinary adventure crafted in Scotland and delivered with astonishing efficiency by Munich.
This memorable expedition, combining the thrill of discovering Scotland’s finest festive produce with the unparalleled performance and practicality of the BMW M3 CS Touring, has underscored the profound connection between exceptional vehicles and extraordinary experiences. If your own holiday preparations involve a journey, whether it be for culinary treasures or simply to gather with loved ones, consider how the right automotive partner can elevate your adventure. Explore the possibilities and discover a vehicle that perfectly complements your own unique journey, ensuring every mile is as memorable as the destination.
